[Verse 1]
I woke up this mornin’ and the sun was comin’ through
But I didn’t open my eyes till the Ay Eye said I could
I had me a thought that felt halfway alive
AY EYE MAY EYE let this one survive?
I felt a sneeze buildin’ I couldn’t hold in
AY EYE MAY EYE let it rip or keep it in?
My nose started itchin’ like it had its own mind
AY EYE MAY EYE pick it or let the booger grind?
[Chorus]
(mixed male/female choir enters softly behind the lead)
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE do the thing I wanna try?
(choir echoes, slightly mocking)
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
Please just tell this old boy if it’s alright
[Verse 2]
I stood in the kitchen with a rumble down low
AY EYE MAY EYE fart right here or should I go?
My hand drifted south without thinkin’ ahead
AY EYE MAY EYE scratch my balls or leave ’em instead?
I reached for a glass, throat dry as a bone
AY EYE MAY EYE take a drink or leave it alone?
Then I felt somethin’ risin’ I couldn’t ignore
AY EYE MAY EYE burp it out or swallow it some more?
[Chorus]
(choir louder, more sarcastic harmonies)
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE do the thing I wanna try?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
Please just tell this old boy if it’s alright
[Bridge – rapid-fire, snarkier delivery]
(male/female choir trades lines with the lead in call-and-response)
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE pick my nose in public?
Choir: only if you ask nice
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE fart and blame the dog?
Choir: better clear it with the log
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE burp after coffee?
Choir: (volume level three or higher’s iffy)
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE scratch my balls through my jeans?
Choir: we’ll allow it… but keep it clean
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE sneeze without a tissue?
Choir: only if you file the proper issue
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE leave early from work?
Choir: only if you promise not to smirk
Lead: AY EYE MAY EYE just… exist today?
Choir: pending review… please hold, okay?
[Final Chorus – slower, choir almost laughing at him now]
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE stop askin’ all the time?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
AY EYE MAY EYE?
The machine just chuckled and said “You’re doin’ fine”
[Outro – spoken, guitar fading, choir humming mockingly underneath]
I stood there frozen, finger hoverin’ by my nose.
AY EYE MAY EYE help me hide this booger so nobody sees?
The machine went quiet… then said with a low chuckle,
“Coast is clear now, friend… but first please promise not to fart,
then you can pick that booger, all you want, til death do us part.